My daughter turned one recently and it’s all gone by too fast. I woke up and she was born and I put her to bed as a toddler. Is the tiny baby I held and gave bottles to really gone?
I’ve had hundreds of moments as a father where my full attention is on my children. The phone is away and my mind isn’t thinking about work. I’m in the moment with them, whatever that may be. Playing soccer, coloring, rocking to sleep. I’m there and I try to hold on to the moment.
Part of me always hopes that by being so present I’ll have more time with them. “I want to always remember this” I think. And I do for a while.
But then it fades and I forgot how small they were. How she fell asleep in my arms and twitches just a bit when she’s really asleep. I see it a little in my head but I don’t feel it anymore.
I look at pictures and I’m brought back to those moments. We have twenty-five, maybe thirty thousand photos and videos of our children. I’m grateful for all of them because they can bring me back. It’s never the same but I’ll take it.
My wife and I often talk about our willingness to trade anything for just a few moments with younger versions of our kids. We love every single day we get with our children. Meeting them again and again every morning is beautiful.
But I’d give anything to spend a few more minutes with them at 1 or 2 or 3. Just to see and hold them as the tiny people they were.
I love the moments I’m present with them. I always strive for more. And yet time still moves on. Incessantly forward and the children I knew disappear.
You only have the present moment with them. The child you knew is gone and you only get the one that’s in front of you. Hold onto those moments, hold on to your children. But know it never lasts. It doesn’t slow down.
indeed.